pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
