A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
