a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize