I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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