She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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