Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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