how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
