My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
