the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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