You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
