oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
