last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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