Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
