Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i out mim tonsoeep
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
