Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
