My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize