i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Farmville is her only friend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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