Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
