I think im going to throw up on grandma
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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