Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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