Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
