Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Congratulations! We have a period
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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