it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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