Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
