Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
