WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize