did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
