you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize