soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
