I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Your topless pictures make me question reality
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
