Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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