My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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