On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
