haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
