why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
