Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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