if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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