Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
