bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
