it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
