people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
