Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
