moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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