so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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