K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
