Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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