if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
