I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
