i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
