I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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