I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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