My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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