It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
