The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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