Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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