using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
