You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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