you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
