Four minutes until I can fart!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They are going to name an STD after you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
