If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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