Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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