I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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