dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
