the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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