Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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