Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
