Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
