There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
