He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
