My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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