oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
