It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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