think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
