Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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