I think scott just propositioned me for sex
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The struggles of a small town man whore
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
