You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
