your parents love me but you hate me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
